You Know They Need It
by Wolvertique
Summary: How a day goes in the office of Dr. Xavier, Psychiatrist to the Mutant Stars! Chapter 2 added per your requests!
1. On The Couch

Jean Grey bustled around in her little white uniform, checking the desk and the waiting room one last time. The orderly, Scott Summers, watched her solemnly. "Is all in order, Jean?"

She giggled a little. "Oh, Scott, lighten up. Everything's just fine. Open the door."

Scott Summers opened the door to Dr. Xavier's, Psychiatrist to the Mutant Stars. There were already three people waiting outside, a blue furry man who kept looking over his shoulder anxiously as he obsessively fondled some rosary beads, a woman with white hair who immediately swept past him into the office, and a tall elfin man who followed her in quietly.

"But I tell you, my paperwork should already have been filled out! I was a Goddess once, you know. I do not have to suffer fools like you telling me lies!" Jean nodded indulgently as the woman ranted on and on, then cut in after a few minutes.

"Storm, dear, just take the forms and fill them out." 

The woman looked down her nose at the cheery redhead. "Why should I do that? They should already have been prepared. And do not address me so familiarly, wench."

Jean smiled. "Unless you want to feel like you're trapped under this building, dear, fill them out. Now."

The woman trembled, taking the clipboard Jean offered and sitting in the most comfortable chair available.

Jean smiled. "Next?" The elfin man stepped forward. "Ah, Northstar. Go on in, he's waiting for you. And yes, he is waiting to hear more about your book. Fifth on the best seller list? Fantastic!" Northstar went back into the door marked "Private," and the blue furry man came forward. 

"Nightcrawler!" Jean said, ecstatically. "Wonderful to meet you. I'm Jean Grey, and no, of course you're not going to hell for thinking about my breasts, silly boy." The furry man backed up a step, and Storm covered her mouth to hide her smile. Jean handed Nightcrawler a clipboard. "Fill out this form, and make sure to check 'Overly Religious Roman Catholic' under 'Other Information,' please."

Kurt took the clipboard and sat down. The phone rang, and Jean answered it. "Dr. Xavier's office." A loud complaining voice came from the phone, and she held it away from her ear. "Mr. Lensh … I mean, Magneto, dear, you're going to have to tell me more than that. Your son always has a death wish." Pause. More loud complaining. "Oh, he's starting to blame YOU for his problems. I see." Loud complaints, plus a crash in the background. "Well, we do have a cancellation at three. If you and he are alive by then, can you make it?"

Ororo Munroe read question number 6. "List any problems you have with your family, including but not limited to:

- Untimely death

- You causing their untimely death

- You causing their untimely death, but they survived

- You did not cause their death, and they are angry at you for not killing them

- They hate you because you're a mutant

- They hate you because you're a mutant, and they too are mutants

- You hate them because they hate you

- You hate them because they aren't mutants."

She checked number one and went on.

A short, hairy man wearing a cowboy hat entered the office. Jean hung up the phone, nodding and making a note on a pad in front of her. Scott followed the short man over to the desk.

"Hi, cutie." He took his hat off and winked at her. "Think you can work me in, or do you not have room?"

Jean giggled, and Scott stood in front of the man. "Don't even try it. She's mine."

"Oh, Scott." She waved a hand at him. "Sure, Wolvie!" Jean giggled. "I'd love to squeeze you in. Just fill out these forms and Dr. Xavier will be with you."

Wolverine squinted. "Do I know you from somewhere? Maybe a cabin in the woods?"

She giggled again. "Nope. Don't worry. The doctor can help you with your memory problems, and I help sometimes too."

"Jean?" Scott looked puzzled, then his eyes glazed over and he fell to the floor. 

Jean sighed. "Jealous boyfriends."

"Darlin', I never worry about them, especially when their girlfriends don't." Wolverine put his hat back on and took a seat.

Kurt Wagner read question number 1 under "Other Information."

"Please list your ideal romantic partner. You must choose one of the following:

- A member of the opposite sex who is devoted to me and insanely powerful, may be in love with another member of my team, and is utterly boring in every other respect

- A member of the opposite sex who is devoted to me but is weak and easy to kill

- A member of the opposite sex who is devoted to me but will get me into a lot of trouble because of her/his family, criminal past, or other issues

- A member of the opposite sex who pretends to be devoted to me, but really is using me to get ahead

- A member of the opposite sex who loves me dearly, but leaves me to die in Antarctica

- A member of the opposite sex who is a member of my family, but I pretend it's okay because we're not blood relatives

- A member of the opposite sex. Really. I'll settle for just about anyone

- A member of either sex who loves me

- A member of either sex. Please. I've gotten more desperate just reading this list

- A member of the same sex, so I can be angsty and alone most of the time, as there's no way I can be with a member of the same sex in this world"

His eyes widened at some of the items, and he gasped at a few of them. But he circled number six under the list, hastily, and moved on.

Ororo finished her forms and handed them back to Jean, who smiled sweetly at her. "Dr. Xavier will be right with you. Please have a seat."

A mountain of a man, wearing orange armor and an odd shaped helmet, came into the office and smashed the desk to pieces. "I wanna see Xavier now." Nightcrawler teleported to the other side of the waiting room, Storm swept the pieces away that would have hit her, and Wolverine shredded the few that came his way. Scott laid on the floor and made no sound.

Jean frowned, then blinked and brushed pieces of the desk off her skirt. "I'm sorry, Mr. ... er, what was your name?"

He picked her up, one-handed, holding her about five feet off the ground. "Juggernaut. I got anger management issues, and one of them is Xavier. I wanna see him. Now."


	2. Continuing Therapy

**Apologies. Someone at another site gave me the idea for the ending scene with Nightcrawler. I don't remember who the person was, or I'd give them credit. Anyway, many people asked for a sequel, so here it is! And since you asked for it, let me know what you think in your reviews!**

A blaze of light entered the room and Scott sat up woozily. "Whoa. The colors." He looked up at Jean and waved. "Hi, honey!"

Jean frowned and used her telepathy to knock him out again. His eyes rolled back in his head and he thumped back to the ground. 

The blaze of light stopped moving and resolved into a young, attractive, black-haired woman. "Where is that thief, that no good ski-jumping power mad man?"

Juggernaut glared at her. "Hey. I was here first, chick."

She straightened up and sniffed. "Beauty before … whatever you are." She waved a hand, dismissing him. He frowned and held out a huge finger to her when they heard footsteps coming down the hallway and turned toward the door.

Northstar came out of the door marked "Private" and the woman pounced on him. "There you are, voleur des coeurs! You stole Matthieu from me, didn't you?"

The tall, elegant man smirked, straightening his shirt collar and looking disdainfully at her hand on his cashmere sweater. "I don't know what you're talking about, Aurora. We just had a few drinks, and I decided to take him home."

"You stole him from me, too!" The woman aimed a punch at his face, but missed.

He stroked his hair into place. "Jeanne-Marie, I did no such thing. It's not my fault that he has taste and distinction." He dodged her next blow. "Furthermore, you stole Walter from me, didn't you?" He tightened his belt.

The woman posed for a moment, bending one leg in an attractive angle and arching her back. The men whistled and she smiled. "I don't know what you're talking about. He was interested in me from the beginning."

"Payback's just like you, ma chere soeur. A bitch."

"Why … you!" She chased him out the door.

Juggernaut watched all this with a bemused expression. "God, you people are all crazy!" He then shook Jean so hard her teeth rattled and she went limp. "Where's Xavier?"

"Hey. Leave the lady alone." Wolverine casually extended his claws and got up. "She can't answer you if you do that, anyway, buddy."

Jean coughed, sputtered, and then said, "It figures you'd be out here, raising Cain, Jean. Or more appropriately, Cain raising you."

Everyone groaned at the bad joke, Nightcrawler covering his ears. "When will they stop? Make it stop!"

"In any case. Come on back to room three. Storm, you go to room two. Betsy will have to take over your therapy today. Once Emma has finished her couples therapy in room one, Nightcrawler, you may go there and see her." Jean shook her head as the professor withdrew from her and sighed. "I wish he'd use the intercom system once in a while."

Juggernaut dropped Jean to the floor and went through the wall, leaving a perfect cutout behind and shaking the room. Storm followed through the hole he made, with a smug glance at Jean. Wolverine sat down again and opened a Field and Stream from 1984.

Nightcrawler sighed. "As the man said to the vacuum cleaner, can you do anything that doesn't suck?" The sound of an argument reached him, and he moaned. "Liebes Gott, please, not more of this!"

" … left me in Antarctica!"

"Well, who flirts with anything female, even though we're supposed to be together?"

"You the one to talk, chere. You come on to every man you see!"

"That's a lie, swamp rat. Any man over the age of forty or who I know's married I don't waste my time on!"

"Now you lyin', chere. Remy was married, but you didn't stop goin' after him, hein?"

"You didn't tell me you were married at first, you bastard. That's another thing you kept from me. I oughta knock your lights out for that one!"

The quarreling couple came out to the desk, stepping over Scott's unconscious body. Jean was taking a bottle of extra-strength aspirin with a two-liter of Jolt, holding her head. The man was wearing a long black coat and had glowing red eyes. The woman had a streak of white in her red hair and wore a garish yellow and green costume that covered all of her skin from the neck down. Jean looked at them blearily and tried to give her usual perky smile. "Again tomorrow, dears?"

"Yeah." "You bet, chere Jean."

"Why are you callin' her chere? See, you're flirtin' again!"

"At least Remy can flirt."

"All right. That's it." She looked around the room and picked up a chair. "Now, you die, swamp rat."

Remy pouted at her. "Aw, chere, you know you the only one Remy want."

She dropped the chair and opened her arms. "I love you."

"I love you, too." They embraced, Remy facing Jean and the woman facing Wolverine. Remy gave Jean a wink and a lusty stare, and the woman licked her lips, giving Wolverine a good once-over, which he didn't seem to mind.

They left. The only sound was Nightcrawler, praying the rosary in very poor Latin. Jean shook her head. "Nightie, dear, please stop it. My poor head can't take much more."

"Sorry." He looked up as the door opened. A handsome blond man walked through it. He wore a well-tailored business suit, had beautiful white feathered wings, and a peaceful expression. Nightcrawler's mouth fell open and he fell to his knees. The man, seeing this, turned to him, raised his hand as if to say "stop" and proclaimed, "Fear not, for behold, I bring you …"

Nightcrawler fainted. The man raised an eyebrow and laughed. "Well … damn."


End file.
